I’ve been thinking about misgendering trans* people lately. Specific type of misgendering, the ones where we’ve met the person prior to them coming out, and then we make mistakes out of lazy momentum.
I think for me, it takes the time I know the person in their assigned gender, divide by 4, and that’s how long it takes me to intuitively default switch.
I don’t know if it makes things better to know that more likely than not, the misgendering has absolutely nothing to do with not passing, and everything to do with that lots of people are just really slow with changes. The same inertia laziness that people would press the snooze button and woke up at 3pm.
It’s our problem.
Everything works better with practice. Try this. When you have a spare moment, Think of the person. Try to practice their correct pronoun when their face flash. Every time you see them post something, practice the correct pronoun. Every time you associate something with them, try to practice the right pronoun.
We will still make mistakes because this is what people do. But this really isn’t that much effort and we got to remember that, despite it’s our problem for getting things wrong, chances are we are not the ones ended up feeling invalidated and humiliated.